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Dance, monkey!: Bobby Collins

Bobby Collins on crazy-eyed Limbaugh
By SARA FAITH ALTERMAN  |  March 12, 2009

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THIS WEEK BILL MAHER AND ANN COULTER WERE IN TOWN AS PART OF A SPEAKER SERIES. HAD YOU BEEN MODERATING THE DEBATE, WHAT QUESTION WOULD YOU HAVE ASKED OF THEM?
"How much did that thing cost?" Bill doesn't do anything unless there's money in it. They're both disgusting. I would probably ask them how they each did on their SATs and what qualified them to even remotely represent either the left or the right side.

RUSH LIMBAUGH SAYS HE WANTS PRESIDENT OBAMA TO FAIL. DO YOU AGREE? How could anybody want that, with the country in the state that it is? He's disgusting. The people who listen to him, they're not too high up on Brain Mountain. Limbaugh rates up there with Octomom. Look into her eyes. She's got fucking crazy eyes. She had two of her babies conceived in her top lip. When you can watch people on TV and look in their eyes and see that they're crazy, then they're REALLY fucking crazy. That's Rush Limbaugh. Crazy eyes.

WHAT'S YOUR SIGNATURE FIGHTING MOVE? What did they call it when they were growing up? With the legs? I was good on the headlock. What was the legs? You put the person's body between your legs and you squeeze? It's funny you ask that because I was running on the beach yesterday, and there were two guys wrestling, and they just loved it. Scissors! Leg scissors. Because you got your legs folded across the guy's midsection so you can either blow out the blood and his head would pop off, or his lower extremities would pop off. Remember that little doll that had the hair on it? The troll doll. You squeezed his stomach and his eyes would pop out? That's what the scissors would do.

IF YOU HAD TO ROCK EITHER A MULLET, A MUSTACHE, OR A TATTOO OF CARROT TOP FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHICH WOULD IT BE? I would go with the mustache because I've got dark skin, I tan easily, and I could look like the reemergence of Ricardo Montalban. I could walk around with a log in my underwear.

THE HUGE BUZZ IN BOSTON THIS WEEK WAS THAT U2 PLAYED A "SECRET" SHOW THAT TURNED OUT TO BE AT A SMALL, INDEPENDENT VENUE. WHERE WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO DO A SECRET SHOW? I would do my secret show at a place called Showcase Live. On a Saturday night, at 8 o'clock. In some place called Foxborough.

BOBBY COLLINS | Showcase Live, Foxborough | March 21 @ 8 pm | 800.745.3000 orwww.showcaselive.com

Related: Listing forward, Star crossed, Wacko patrol: America's 25 scariest conservatives, More more >
  Topics: Comedy , Swearing and Invective, U2, Ann Coulter,  More more >
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